18.5.11

An earnest post

Don't feel obliged to read this post. It's just, well, I have no one else to tell really. And somehow, writing it here, it seems like there is someone listening. Probably there isn't, but it's a precious illusion. A beautiful illlusion. And a necessary one.

I have not felt much like blogging recently.

The truth is, I started this blog as a journal of my efforts to recovery from a long and painful sickness during which time only books, God and my husband were my only true and effective medicine. Opening a tiny window to the world seemed a good idea in the middle of closing myself up and hugging my pain to myself.
Lately, it seems to be returning like an unwelcome guest who forces his way into the most private and treasured room of your home. I don't think there is anything I can do to stop it.
 I have been so much ashamed of this sickness, of this thing happening to me, that I have kept it hidden inside me for so long, I think it may have started to become a poison.
Sometimes it feels like God isn't even listening.
I know He's there and I can't stop loving Him even if I wanted to, but where is He already?
Anyway, it turns out I was a lot better than I knew.
Have you ever felt this way?  Something disastrous happens and you realize how well off you were until then, only you had taken it for granted. 

Now, let's see if I can get out of this alive.



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7 comments:

Joy Tamsin David said...

I'm praying for you right now!

Alexis @ Reflections of a Bookaholic said...

You are in my prayers. I hope you get well soon.

alexandra george said...

wow!! I really didn't expect anyone to comment. thank you so much for your concern and your prayers, I don't know what to say...
I was truly touched.

Jessica said...

One of my friends recently died from cancer...She was just one of the best people you could ever meet, and she held on for a whole year of chemo and sickness. Now that she's dead all of her friends and I are inspired to share her story and help more people. Know you will be in my prayers and my friend would want you to get better as soon as possible.

alexandra george said...

I am so sorry you lost your friend, Jessica. Thanks so much for sharing her story and for the encouragement. Thanks for praying for me and for caring. God bless you.

Beckie B. said...

When I was diagnosed with MS 10 years ago I thought my life was over -- half blind and limping -- I envisioned a world in a wheelchair unable to do the things I loved. But God was so merciful -- I can see, I don't need any help walking (except occasionally I like to hold on to my husband's arm). But I know that even if God had not allowed the remission, He still would have been with me. I view the MS as a gift -- it drew me closer to Him and caused me to place much more trust in Him.

Praying you will continue to recover and feel God right there by your side.

alexandra george said...

thanks so much Beckie, it is such a great help to know that there are others out there suffering like me -maybe more. Praise the Lord for the miracle in your life. Thank you so much, your comment was a wonderful encouragement. Please keep praying, I really need it. And I'm praying for you right back.