I had hoped, I had thought that this Christmas I would be alive. Alive to celebrate it, alive to enjoy it, alive to remember it afterwards. Alive to live it.
I am not.
Next year I might be, but I don't dare hope. Indeed, I think not.
M., I am so sorry for ruining everything for you, Christmas and all.
If anyone is reading this, please thank God that it's me and not you tonight.